Volume 43, chapter 94: Monday blues

I don't hate Mondays, but the beginning of a long week at work is nothing to look forward to. Mostly my long days at work this week consist of sitting alone in an empty office while the other teachers attend a 3 day workshop of changing teaching styles and focus. I would actually like to attend, but since it's entirely in Thai, I don't understand a word. Instead I download tv shows to watch at night and finish up my lesson plans for the coming semester. I also need to make up some attendance sheets and a student info database form. They may not be able to find much public stuff from me online, Despite the public nature of this blog, my day-to-day Facebook page is locked down pretty tight to people I actually know, but I'll be sure to get all the necessary info from them to track their online moments. It makes it easier to teach if I know a little bit of the way these kids live. I can make lessons they relate to.

So, anyway. I did nothing today for 8 hours. I started and finished a book I was required to read for this Administration shake-up. It took me a little over an hour to read. It had lots of pictures and read like a middle school book. It was called Our Iceberg is Melting, or some bullshit like that. It was basically the same book as Who Moved My Cheese and even included a forward by the same author. It was simplistic and about as exiting to read as watching water boil. I get what they are trying to do and I admire their efforts at recognizing there is a problem with the education and trying to fix up, but I've seen this happen before hundreds of times in Korea and it is ultimately doomed to fail due to culture indoctrination. These kids have been forced to conform to a certain ideal, sometimes through liberal use of capital punishment despite it being illegal, and now they want us to embrace their individualism and uniqueness, under an oppressive military dictatorship. They want us to teach these students to question everything, when doing that can land you in prison. No freedom of speech here. The kids are clueless on how to respond to such freedoms-- they can't give an opinion unless it's been previously approved beforehand by their peers, and it's like pulling teeth without anesthesia for the teachers. I feel very sorry for the other Filipino teachers that have to sit through that bullshit just because they happen to understand Thai. I feel sorry for the Thai teachers because they will also have to adapt as much as the students and I'm not sure they are capable. I'm use to this style of teaching, so I have no problem with it, but it so different than rote teaching which puts the teacher in the position of an infallible taskmaster. The Critical Thinking model of teaching puts the teacher in the roll as a fallible guide/mentor.

The rest of the day, I set up some business meetings for the weekend, and argued online with some nationalistic Ko-Am troll in S. Korea for shits and giggles. When I got bored of that, I watched Game of Thrones. It was alright, but it just doesn't hold the same anticipated thrill it did for the first 2 seasons. One of the few book series I have not actually read. I bore easily of long-winded writers. I don't like Stephan King much either. I prefer my books and prose quick and snappy.

Volume 43, Chapter 93: The Mother's day edtion.

I missed a day. It's hard to write every day. I actually have to sit down and make a concentrated effort to do this. It's easy in jail-- what else am I going to do? In the real world? Not so easy.

Where to begin. I have a lot on my mind lately. Particularly, Margriet. I don't normally name people on this blog for their sake, animosity and paranoia, but this girl deserves to be heralded, and remembered. She is Zoe's mother. She hates me. Lots of people hate me, I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but this girl REALLY hates me. I get it. And she is forever tied to me because of Zoe. I love her. I wish I could tell her that... she can't, nor is she even physically capable of doing that right now. Doctors give her a week, I think she'll last to least June, if I was a betting man. I have to have hopes and dreams, or WTF is the point?

Back to present events.

We finally left my house at noon, and went to MBK. I have no idea what MBK means, and I don't care-- it's a gadget geek's dream. In Korea, go to Yongsan. We ate Vietnam food in a Thailand restaurant. Ethnic food is different in every country. Chinese food in Korean is not the same as Chinese food in China, or Chinese food in the US, or Korea. For one thing, in China, it's just called "food," Not "Chinese food."
Then I played video games in an arcade (!) and butchered thousands of nameless digital targets in preparation for the upcoming zombie Apocalypse. It was awesome.

She went to work on the subway. I walked home from there. It's a very long walk. My main goal was to find some comfortable shoes for less than $6 (200 baht). I'm picky, I didn't find anything I liked. However I did find this.

 This is a high capacity battery that charges itself with sunlight. A no-brainer, if you ask me.The model I have has a 30,000 m capacity (which means it's a very big battery), and it can recharge your phone up to 6 times, before you need to plug it in. Only, you never have to plug it in.The real beauty of this, is it's not limited to mobile phones. ANYTHING with a USB port can be charged. It's a very cheap portable solar panel. I could hook this up to batteries in my house and always have a power source, This cost me $20. I'm not sure how much they cost in Canada, but $20 seems like a very small price to pay for what I gain for free.

After, that, I found a new lock for my door. I broke the last one.

The first thing I do when I move into a new place is figure a way to either break into it, or break out of it. In this instance, I found out how to break in, but it's cost me. I repaired the door myself, I'm a pretty handy guy, but apparently not handy enough. I didn't know there were different doorknobs for different doors. Now, although the smashed door looks original (I'm a good forger), it's all backwards. If I want to break in now, all I need is a screwdriver.I feel like such a... well, for lack of a better word, a doorknob. Looks great though. 

The next day, I went to an art event. An all day affair in a walled off garden with swans and shit. Very zen. Live painting, hippy girls wailing their angst on a guitar, hipster dudes trying to out angst the hippy girls... I mostly watched the painters paint. Live paint=Pollock. 5 or 6 people, throwing paint on a canvas. I was literally watching paint dry. And it was exciting. To a point. I learned some things I may try in my next painting, but I am still not a big fan of abstract art. It's lazy and boring. A fucking monkey could do it and it would be more thought provoking.

Despite that, it was good to do something different. I went back to her work and hung out for a bit and then went home to writing this for no reason at all but to simply record it.

Volume 43, Chapter 91.

Not much happened yesterday. There was a seminar in the afternoon for the foreign teachers that I could actually attend and understand the language spoken. It's also much easier to understand a foreign language if you are actually using it in conversation rather than listen to some one drone on in lecture... I should try to remember that. I am definitely guilty of droning on and on myself.

Anyway, it was basically a 2.5 hour bitchfest about everything we felt was wrong with the school, how it was managed, how classes were taught, how students disciplined or precisely lack of discipline due to ineffective punishments and/or incentives to succeed, and other such nonsense. Hopefully something positive will result from it. I tried, actually we all tried to explain that a big part was the culture itself was working against the goals and mandate the administration wanted and demanded. In addition, there was also a lack of incentive or reward from administration giving the teachers an additional workload and making illogical demands to complete said workload. One of the main things the other teachers, who understood Thai and therefore had been listening to 2 days of this new propaganda from the administration, was complaining about is in the 5 hours of the day we are not teaching, we use it to mark papers and prepare lesson plans, as well as mentoring students throughout the day. However, all lesson plans, exams and paperwork basically, and there is a lot, has to be done at home on our own time. We are not allowed to do it during school hours when we are actually working. That's the only time I do it. I never work on school paperwork except at school, or if I have a deadline. Since it was during the 2 day Thai seminar, I know nothing about it. And one bothered to translate it for me. That's my story, I'm sticking with it

Apparently there is also a mythical students guidebook that has the responsibilities of the student and punishments for failure to comply. However, none of the teachers have ever seen it. It is only distributed to students. The teachers and, most importantly, the parents have ever read it. And of course, it's only in Thai. It has been suggested that it be translated into English & Chinese, and given to both teachers and parents so everybody fucking knows what happens if the students don't do their homework and fail as a result. Stop blaming the teachers for your kid's failure and start disciplining your own god-dawned spawn of Satan. It's not my responsibility to make sure your precious snowflake does their homework. It's the parents and the students and they are always so surprised to learn that their kids fail because they never do their homework and therefore never learn their lessons because they definitely aren't paying attention to it in class.

After that I went home and slept for 3 or 4 hours and went to meet my friend for a late night dinner. Some movies and a bet to see if she can get up at 8 am. $100 if she can get up and stay up at 8 am. Each hour she sleeps in, she looses 1/3 of the money. I'll probably be up at 7. I sabotaged her alarm so it's not going to wake her. She probably sleep until noon and I'll save myself $100. If she does manage to get up early, my whole day will finally not go to waste watching her sleep waiting for her to wake up so we can go outside and actually do something other than eat, drink and... well, you can fill in the blanks. I'll keep it PC13 for now. Point is, it's my weekend, I want to go out and do shit, not sit around all day watching some chick sleep. And then she has to go to work, so I have to amuse myself for several hours anyway. It's a good way to feel alone with actually being alone. It sucks and is pointless, so it better change soon, or I'm moving on. I don't really have time for it.

She eventually woke up at 9 and went to the salon to beautify herself while I did laundry. So, I owe her $50 which she will probably spend on me anyway (after she pays for the beauty treatments which cost nothing in Bangkok).

Volume 43, Chapter 90: the daily chai, and Nepal edition

Hello world

As I mentioned previously, It's been awhile since I've done this. I'm a terrible procrastinator so I will see how long I can keep this up, but one of the things that inspired me was my sister. She hit a rough patch in her own life and followed up by writing her heart on her sleeve. I read it daily. It's good.

I, too seem to have hit a rough patch. Maybe not so much as a patch as a very long gravel road. I also get repeated requests to maintain this blog. In an effort to both fulfill the needs of my psyche and you, my audience, I will attempt both. To address the "what should I write about?" question, I will try to keep simple. This is, and always has been a diary, that I happen to publish publicly. This will be a little different from the Hwaseong Saga since this will be much more immediate, as opposed to something I transcribe months after the fact. A little more raw.

Another thing that happened very recently was outside the bubble of my world, but affected it nonetheless. The country of Nepal suffered the most devastating earthquake in 70 years. You may have heard about it. Mt. Everest actually shrunk. It's not so high anymore. Lots of people died.

My friend was in Nepal when it happened. She runs an NGO that helps women and children with PTSD due to abuse and poor living conditions. Her brainchild travels to remote villages with simple art supplies and organizes classes to use art as therapy to help them deal. It's had a very good success rate thus far. Anyway, she was on a bus on the side of a mountain when the first shock hit. She described large rocks falling on her bus and the intern/Jewish princesses that had accompanied on this crazy, non-gluten-free trip far from any hipster bars in Brooklyn, shrilling "what should we do?" Her response was "Do you believe in a god? Then start praying..."

Her bus eventually made it to what was left of Kathmandu and to "Camp America" at the US embassy. "Lollapalooza" was how it was described. In the middle of this chaos, they had a tent city with daily yoga classes and a buffet of food and medicine. Amongst the destruction outside the wire, American, Canadian, and other European and British Commonwealth nations lived in relative comfort. God forbid they be denied hot water and a shower.

She couldn't take the hypocrisy of it and had to escape, but not too far or the guilt of abandoning the country she had just come to help would be too much. A place close by where she could recuperate and easily return to Nepal to help with the relief efforts. So she came here to Bangkok. I must insert here that I have never met this person face to face. In this age of information, I have interacted with hundreds, if not thousands of people all over the world without ever meeting, as we all have, and this girl is one of those people. So, I met her at the airport, got her settled in a hotel, and proceeded to get as drunk as we could for the next 5 days. While she was here, we hooked her up with some local people, got some donations to take back to Nepal and off she went. She will return to the US in a couple days, and then off to Ghana, Africa to do the same NGO program there. Kids, these days-- just too much ambition.

When you travel, you meet lots of people from all over the world and some of them really do try to change the world. Kudos to them, I talk a lot, but that's all I really do. I've added a few links at the end to pages on Facebook of some groups I know where your money really does go to doing some good in the world. Donate if you can.

The main point.

I'm just trying to describe my day. I had to catch up to it I guess.

Today was rather uneventful. I woke up and went to the second day of my new semester. After sitting in a seminar for a couple of hours, conducted in a foreign language, I escaped the first chance I got, went back to the office, and promptly took a nap on my desk. Then I woke up, wiped the slobber of my chin, and downloaded a few daily TV shows I watch. Today was Arrow, and Modern Family. I watched them, went home after work, took another nap, and went to Patpong, the local red light district. I visited a friend at his restaurant, said "hello" to my girlfriend, grabbed some street food consisting rice and green chicken curry, and went to the bar, where I had about far too many glasses of beer while I watched girls in bikinis. Eventually, my girlfriend finished work, picked me up and dragged me to another bar where we enjoyed a few more glasses of beer before we went home and did things the government has no business knowing about. Now I'm back at work, alone in an office while everybody else is forced to go to a seminar, basically because they speak Thai and I don't, writing the first real entry in a long time, of what I hope will be many more and there is a hot Thai girl sleeping in my bed. My head hurts.

Two groups that actually make a make a difference
https://www.facebook.com/internationalsamdong

https://www.facebook.com/GlobalArtsTherapy

and some events in Seoul
https://www.facebook.com/events/1636165106598986/
https://www.facebook.com/events/365364960335751/
https://www.facebook.com/events/349621478572260/

Maybe tomorrow's story will be much more interesting...

One night in Bangkok... a few months later...

Where to begin? That's always an issue when you ignore something so long. I wrote like mad for months and turned my back on it. Not so much turned my back, but got too caught up in living to write about life. It's probably best to just go back to the beginning, when I first arrived in Bangkok.

After a 24 hour flight, I was pretty tired, but rushing from the adrenaline of finally being in Bangkok. After 2 years of getting divorced, spiraling down to the gutter, detoxing in a Korean jail, I was in the city I originally planned to go to. I got in the cab with no idea of where I would be next other than the apartment of my friend, V (more on him later). I knew V for years. He brought me books in jail. He got me high in Korea, I returned the favour many times. He was/is my best friend in Asia (again, more on this later). I finally got to his apartment and the little bastard wasn't there. I called him-- This customer is not available. I left all my bags in front of his door and went on a hunt for beer. Being Asia, it didn't take long-- I only had to look outside of the gates to his apartment to the nearest store. I started smoking again as soon as I found out cigarettes were less than $1. 2 large bottles (630 ml) of beer were about $4. For $5, I was content for now.

A few hours later, he finally called me. He was  couple blocks away at some teacher get-together. No problem, I had a bit of a buzz going on and some smokes. He came back to get me and smoked me up. Off to  good, if somewhat shaky start.

I stayed with V for about a week. He got me a job less than 2 days later. A new phone (unlocked Rogers for about $20, new sim/number, 3G, etc...) something called an Aircard which was a USB drive with a SIM card that let me use my laptop online on the bus for about $20... it was going good.

However... my new job was actually in a suburb of Bangkok...not really Bangkok, but close enough to be considered a part of Bangkok. The point being, it was far. At least a 1 hour commute by TAXI from where V lived. I had to fix that so I found the cheapest hostel I could on the internet in Bangkok, close to a subway (skytrain) station. My commute was only an hour by the much cheaper BTS skytrain system, but I encountered a whole new set of problems.

The hostel was located in an area of town commonly referred to as "Patpong." My previous posts will give you a taste. There is no need for me to regurgitate it here. I stayed there for 4 months. although it was cheap on paper, it cost me far more in life. Let's face it, I'm a sucker for life. Given the opportunity, I will take advantage of everything thrown in front of me. Ping Pong shows? Just the tip of the iceberg. I partied. I drank hard and fast. I'm lucky I'm not in a Thailand jail. I came pretty fucking close a few times. The entire time I was still waiting to get paid from my "legit" job so, I hustled and borrowed and juggled money like a clown at a circus of freaks, with me in the lead role. I did alright, and looking back now, I didn't do too bad. I didn't burn too many bridges with people I didn't know anyway, and the people did I meet, are solid people. Salt of the Earth and all that. I'm fortunate that I seem to meet to most awesome, solid people that I remain friends with despite my drunken failings. I am truly blessed in that regard.

And then I moved. I had to. Not because some one was out to get me, or I owed money or the cops were on my trail... but for sanity. Patpong is too much of a draw. Girls, booze, drugs, & sex at every turn, and I was living in the middle of it. I was also spending 3 hours a day on a train back and forth. The whole lifestyle was a drain on money I didn't have. Rent was only $100 a month, transport, about $60, food maybe another $10 PER WEEK. Booze and cigarettes and women? Now, we're getting into hundreds and thousands of US dollars. It had to stop, I moved. It didn't stop.

Mind you, it's only been 1 month, and I'm a lecherous, misogynistic, hedonistic asshole to begin with (or so I'm told).

I moved about a block way from work. As a "fucking" teacher. It's too close to comfort. I see these students everyday, and they're not little kids, but kids my age. I remember being a teenager. I never really left. I'm still living it, except I'm arguably much older and wiser, and my shitty teaching gig gives me a little bit more money than the average Thai teenager. The point is, it was hurting me more than it was helping me to be closer to work.

My first week I moved in,I brought a girl home. She took all my money and some computers. The money I can deal without, there will always be more money The computer killed me... I lost 2 months of drawings, For me, that was devastating. I don't give a shit about money, but the art can never be re-created. That same week, V (remember him?) was busted for buggering  boy in Cambodia. My best friend in Asian is a boy diddler. I knew he was bent towards the same sex, but little boys? I don't believe it. Innocent until proven guilty, but coming from the artsy-fartsy drunken fool, that's a little much even for me. Two days later, the sweetest, nicest couple you would ever meet, celebrating 15 years together with the birth of the their first daughter, were instead holding an memorial. Jan 18 of every year to remember 30 days of Angel Blue. I never knew or met you, but you changed my life.

So I moved again. After I beat the shit out of the dog down the street (old habits die hard). After 5 nights of this poor dog,yowling, I jumped the fence, and taught the dog a lesson. No more barking dog. However, in a land of Buddhists (that eat chickens, pork, bugs, and other things), touching a dog is a big no-no. When is rabbit season, again?

It took me 4 hours to leave my former place, drive all over and find a new place. I'm glad I did. Cheaper ($60 per month), air con, and refrigerator. What an amazing invention. Keeps beer cold.

This new place is in the thick of life. No expats. no western influence.

Just people living.

I don't appreciate my friends as much as I should.

Let's face it. I can be a real asshole. I can be worse than that, especially to the people I love the most, like my sister.
This week should me how lucky I really am. I have the luck of the devil.

It started off pretty good. I was all full of vigor and ready to take on the world. Instead of taking a tourist package, I was going to go out on my own to obtain the all elusive Thailand Tourist Visa. If you are from a First world country, you can fly in to Thailand and get a 30 day visa waiver. It's not actually a visa, just permission to fuck around for 30 days. If you travel by land, you get the same thing for 15 days. There is no limit to how many times you can do this. However, leaving or flying out every 30/15 days is a real pain in the ass.

There is another option. You can actually apply for an actual visa that allows you to stay for 60 days. If you you pay extra, you get another 60 days. If you go to the Thailand Immigration office in Bangkok, you can get up to another 60 days, so in total, you could stay up to 6 months. Leaving every 15 days, compared to every 6 months, is a no brainier.

So off I went, on my own. I went to the most southern border of Thailand/Cambodia. What a desolate shithole of a place. I hitched a ride on the back of a motorcycle for $1 and caught a bus to a place called Sihanoukville. Half way through the trip, the bus broke down, so I found myself with my fellow travelers on the side of the road waiting to get another bus. Eventually it came, but not before the perishable goods in the Styrofoam containers, perished.

Sihanoukville is on peninsula and is the the only beach area in Cambodia. Lots of old perverted men owning bars, running brothels. I rented a moto for $5 a day and got rip roaring drunk and rode all over town for a couple of days. There are cops doing ride checks everywhere, but they don't care if you't drunk, only if you have an international driver's license. I didn't have enough money to pay them off, so they let me go. The next day, my host got stopped by the same cops (with no license at all), but his bar employee was in the process of delivering coffee to the cops, so after a few words, they let us go again with no consequences.

Always the entrepreneur, I met a couple of perverted bar owners and did a couple of jobs that paid for my trip. US dollars is the norm in Cambodia, and expats pay US prices. Non of this "you're in Asia, you should be paid what we pay the Asians" BS. A lot of good that did me when I left for Phnom Pehn.

I took the night bus. To help with the trip I bought a 10 pack of Valium for about $0.50 I think I took too many, because I ended up 500 Km past Phnom Pehn and had to take another bus back. All that money I just made was slowly being wittered away. When I finally got the Phnom Pehn, I went straight to the Thai Embassy, but was late to submit my application. I let some Tout do it for me, for an additional $40 dollars. I had no intention of paying him $40 dollars. I just agreed to it to get it down. Then I went to sit out the weekend at a guest house. For the whole adventure there, read the previous post.

When I got my passport back, I had $10 US to my name.I got a bus to Poipet. I had $2 left over. I crossed the border and started walking the 6 km to the train station. A dude drove by asking if I need a ride. I said, " sure, if it's free"

A few meters later, the same guy was sitting there waiting for me and drove me to the train station for free. I could not be more thankful. I got on the train with my last $2, and suffered though a 8 hour train ride that was actually only 300 km. I went back to my old hostel in Bangkok. I told them my adventure. They gave me a couple of beers, some smokes, and a bed to stay in. I have no money. I don't know why or understand why they were so kind to me. I contacted my recruiter and a few more friends. My friend is going to meet me tomorrow to lend me a couple of bucks to get through the week. My recruiter, tried to send me money through Western Union but had a hell of a time, and had to leave town for the week. When she gets back, she has a couple hundred dollars for me.

I'm glad I'm back in Bangkok. I thankful that even though I can be a real prick at times, I have some of the best friends in the world. Friends that overlook my faults and bend over backwards to help a man in need. I love you all, even if I don't say or show it enough.

Plus 30 more Days in Bangkok and onward to Cambodia

The first week in Bangkok was mostly about getting around. Once I go that down, I tried to figure out how long I could party, yet still wake up early enough to go to work by 7:30. I managed about 5 hours of sleep a night. That's a whole other 18A story. It's being edited by someone other then myself. it's totally rambling BS.

I actually only taught for a week. Then it was students writing exams, and desk warming. I did graphic design for a tourism group instead. The internet sucked. Slow and flaky. A reoccurring theme throughout this narrative. On the odd occasion I actually did some teacher work, entering scores into an Excel spread sheet, rather than fix my mistakes, they would print it out, circled it, and told me how many digits I was off, so I could correct it. By correcting it, they had to re-open the Excel spreadsheet, insert my correction... I asked "why didn't you just change it, if I got it wrong? Why waste the paper and time? If you made a change, and you want my okay to change it, show it to me, and I'll initial it. I'll sign off and now it's not your liability."

I did nothing for 2 weeks. It was a routine like living in any other city. I woke up, shit, showered and shaved and made the 1 hour long trek to work where I sat at a desk for 8 hours and did nothing. I did some graphics for a tourist company, so that's not entirely true.

Eventually my time in Thailand was up. I milked it. I milked it enough, money is owed to me. I had to do I visa run.

The first run was an experience. I missed the agency bus, so I hot-tailed it to the last skytrain stop, got on  a bus and made it in seconds flat. I got snaked as soon as I got off the bus and paid too much for a Cambodian visa. I walked across, walked through no man's land... it didn't seem to ever end.... but I was actually in Poipet. Imagine the old west, but all Asian. Turned around, walked back into Thailand, got another 15 days, I missed the bus, so I crashed out on a bench at the train station. A 6 hour train ride to Bangkok is $2. A 6 hour bus ride to Bangkok is $7. I went back to the routine.

Then it all changed. 15 Days was up, I need a new visa. But not a visa waiver given to First World countries that's not actually a visa at all, but a proper non-immigrant tourist visa. This meant an application to a Thailand Embassy outside of Thailand. Which where I find myself now.

I just got paid. Not all I was owed, but enough. I set out for the capital of Cambodia for my tourist visa run via the most southerly route. I thought I'd visit a guy I'd never met but had known for years recently settled in Sihanoukville. Awesome time. Emerald Bar, by the old bus station, downtown. Central to everywhere. Good rates, good food, great people. Bikes for rent, easy access to islands and buses. I swam in the ocean almost every day.

I did a couple of graphic jobs in the week I was there. Paid for my trip. Took a night bus to Phnom Pehn that had actual beds instead of seats. I overstayed my welcome. I woke up 500 Km past that. I had to wait until 8:30 for the next bus back to PP. Another 5 hour trip. I finally got to PP. I got a tuk-tuk driver to take me about 5 km to the Embassy. The embassy was no longer taking applications, but a guy assured me that he could sneak it in for a $40 surcharge on top of the usual $40 visa fee. It was now costing me $80. I had $90. I agreed, I was desperate. He gave me his number to call when the passport was ready. His buddy took me to a hotel to wait it out for the weekend. I sat on the balcony drinking beer waiting for time to go by.

I got bored. I went out. I don't know where. It did not end well. It didn't end that badly either. I took $10, my phone and keys. I come home with no money, no phone and no keys. The tuk-tuk driver taking me home, called ahead to his buddy, took me a secluded spot where his buddy was waiting and worked me over. Being mugged sucks. My jaw hurts. My ear hurts. My pride hurts, and I have a nice scar forming on my back, but I'm okay. They got the security device from my online banking which is useless without the code, and my phone. That one is the killer. Anybody got an old android phone they're not using? I could really use one.

Stumbling finally home, I made it to my room where I banged on the gate until someone let me in at 3 am. I had no key, so I demanded they open my door... I was drunk and I'd just been mugged.

I thought they got everything, but then I remembered that I always take what I need, not what I have. I don't need ID or credit cars, or wallets. A little bit of cash, my phone, my keys. gone... forever. The passport is safe with some shady character at the Thai Embassy. He's not getting his $40 bribe. He's getting $10, if that. I need cash to get home or the visa he worked so hard to get, is worthless. If he gives me a deal, I'll get his number and refer some friends to him.

Tomorrow is a new day.

The other day I was bored so I went to a place called Patpong. What a place. I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll start at one end of the street. By the time I got 2 metres, I had been offered 23 ping pong shows. I refused them all. After about another 50 feet, I got sucked into a place called King’s court. I think it was the cheap Sam Miguel that sucked me in. It’s a premium where I come from, but dirt cheap at this place.

As soon as I sat down, I was immediately attracted by the suicide girls. Girls with curves. Not like most Asians who are all skin and bones, but healthy Russian or black or Chinese-- girls with curves amid tattoos and shit. Big boobs. The cheap beer wasn't bad either.

After dealing with the pimps and madams,  the girls approached me on their own. I bought a few drinks; they actually bought me a few. When they were finished “working” we went for some food. I ate Thai food they don’t normally serve to us Westerners because they think it’s too spicy.

It was a good meal and a good time.

I went back. This time they knew me, and set me up like royalty. We were allowed to relax without being “tout”ed by a bunch of touts. The girls I met before made their rounds, we drank our drinks.

Cost-- nothing

Place-- Patpong

One Week in Bangkok...

Transportation

There are too many options and most of them are only available to locals. This is not to say that you can't take them, only that you may not be aware of them. I could take a bus if I knew how to read Thai... but I can't, so every trip is an adventure to an unknown destination in the general direction I want to go.

There are these Toyota mini pick-ups everywhere. They're like the local version of the local bus routes. If you are on an actual bus, it's probably an intercity/district bus. Tuk-tuks (the tourist money grab), motorcycle taxis, and these pick-up trucks are the transportation mode of the day. They cost about 30 cents (10 baht) per ride. If you pay more, you're being ripped off and you should get out or re-negotiate (cost of the trip is usually discussed at the beginning of the journey). 400 baht ($13) may not seem like much of a fortune to the average westerner for a Taxi, but you could eat 3 meals a day for 6 days for the same amount of money in Thailand. Tuk tuks are for tourists. Don't use them unless you know where you're going and how much it costs to get there or they will rip you off- that's their goal, white boy.

Taxis do not have GPS, unless they are coloured blue.. Google Maps (and Wi-Fi service) is your friend, as a newcomer to Bangkok. Taxi drivers are stupid. They don't know they're own city at all and will often ask for a phone number of your destination so they can call and get directions. To be fair, these cities outside of North America have no idea what gridlock is since there is no grid to lock, but city streets made for a horse and carriage don't accommodate motorized vehicles very well. Nor is there a way to make streets wider when the buildings are built right up to the edge of street in the first place. Naming and numbering those same streets is a nightmare. It's no wonder they are clueless. Taxis are very cheap for the service they provide, but be prepared to know exactly where and how to get where you are going. If you have internet available to you, mapping out and planning your trip ahead of time will save you a lot of headaches. It is much easier to point at a map on your smartphone and say “go here” than to try to mime your way to a destination the taxi driver doesn't know of, or how to get there. Showing them a map also prevents them from trying to scam you by taking a “short cut.”

The Internet and Mobile Phones

Getting on the internet is as easy as buying a USB dongle and a SIM card from the 7/11. There are a couple of service providers to choose from, but they are all essentially the same. Once you have the USB stick and SIM card, you can purchase time for about $5 or $10. As far as I can tell, you are charged by time rather than amount downloaded, but I haven’t really tested that theory yet. If you spend a lot of time screwing around on Facebook, you will spend a lot of money doing it, but if you are just checking for messages and communication, then your pay-as-you-go service can last a few days or week. Many places have free Wi-Fi if you ask, but you will need a username password almost every time, too. I brought my mobile phone from Canada and unlocked it for about $20 (Rogers wanted $50). With another SIM card picked up at the 7/11, I suddenly had a phone again and access to the provider's Wi-Fi network when I was in range of a hotspot. This can be a little spotty as well, but better than nothing.

Food & booze

I am loving Thai street food. There is still a lot of rice in every meal, but no soup or kimchi. When you do eat soup, it’s usually with noodles and you add your own spices to flavour it. Your options are sugar, vinegar, red pepper, and fish sauce. You can make it as sweet, sour or spicy as you prefer. Pad Thai is usually a plate of rice with a choice of meat and curry-like sauce poured on top. You can also get all sorts of meat on a stick, fresh fruit smoothies... There are endless possibilities when it comes to eating food on the street and the prices can’t be beaten. In a restaurant you can easily expect to pay the equivalent of about $5 or $10 per meal, but street food won’t cost you any more than a dollar.

Alcohol is readily available, but chain stores won’t make any sales before 5 pm or after 12 am. It’s pretty easy to bypass this law by going to a mom & pop store or one of the millions of bars throughout the city. Domestic beer is about $1.50 for a large bottle or tall can, and about $1 for a normal sized bottle. In a bar, the cost is closer to $3.

The people

When it comes to people, I've found that they are pretty much the same no matter what country or culture you are in. Each country has their own idiosyncrasies, but for the most part they are the same. Aggressiveness is frowned upon in all Asian countries. It shows a lack of control, but when encountering language barriers it’s sometimes unavoidable. In Canada, when you want to get something done, there is more of a sense of doing it right NOW rather than later. In Korea, and Thailand, as much as they like to talk about a fast culture, there is actually a pretty lassier-faire attitude to getting things accomplished in a timely manner. Generally, people are pretty friendly and helpful everywhere, but you will always encounter that one person who isn't when it matters most. And that is true in every country.

The City

Bangkok is a large sprawling metropolis with the same problems as every city-- traffic and pollution. When compared to some place like Vancouver, it’s disgustingly dirty, but if I compare it to Seoul, it’s really no different. Certain areas are very well maintained. Especially around the large malls where there are litter police (and tourists). Tossing a cigarette butt can result in a fine. In other parts of the city however, it can be so dirty, the smell is overwhelming. There are a least a few garbage cans on the street, so it’s not like Seoul in that regard, where the garbage can seems to be non-existent.

Canals

Bangkok is criss-crossed by an extensive canal network. It is possible to travel to any part of the city by water if you so desired. They are also very polluted, but effort is being made to clean them. They add a contrasting beauty to the city overrun by traffic congestion, with the banks of the canals choked full of foliage and lined with banana trees. The bananas should be rip in a week or so, but the Thais will probably snatch them up as soon as they are able.

Animals

There are stray dogs and cats everywhere, but they are pretty tame. I wouldn't attempt to pet any of them, but I don’t fear them either. I've also seen lots of rats and a few geckos crawling up the side of walls in the evening. The wildlife is very noisy at night, but you soon get used to the din of frogs and crickets and other assorted fauna. One day, I was walking over a bridge spanning a canal, and stopped to enjoy the view. When I looked down, I saw what I thought at first was a log, but turned out to be a very large lizard. When he saw me staring at it, it dove and disappeared into the murky water. At a school I visited, the grounds had large ponds filled with water lilies and fish. If it wasn't for the plastic bottles on the lilies, it would look very nice.

The Weather

Hot. That is all. Sometimes it rains, but it’s still hot.

The Nightlife

 There are more bars than you can shake a stick at. I've been to a couple of the usual hot-spots. Khoasan Road is full of college kids getting drunk. It is fun to people watch there because they are so out of control. Since it’s so hot all the time, some bars consist of nothing but a bar set up on the street with a tent over it. Another area called Cowboy Street is all old men and girlie bars. I walked down the street to check it out, but I didn't partake in anything offered. My new residence is in yet another part of town known for its ‘pong’ show, also involving scantily-clad or naked girls. I have yet to explore this since I just got here today. The place I'm staying at costs $3 per day.