Friday, 2 December 2011

Prologue Part VI

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I wonder why I havn't seen or heard from her in 3 weeks. If she wants her divorce, we have to do it together. At court. In front of a judge. This is something she wanted. Now that I'm willing and able, not a word. I haven't seen her in 6 months. In my paranoia, I'm wondering if she was fucking around and got herself pregnant? She wanted to divorce quickly before, but now she's avoiding me. Is it because I'll notice she is pregnant now, whereas I wouldn't have before?

And it's not just that, it's the issue of Guinness. Is she going to take him or what? What kind of living conditions does she have planned for him?

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Prologue Part V

I wonder what my in-laws think of me now? I never met them until 6 months after I'd been married. They tracked us down through a friend of a friend of her's. We met them at the subway station and walked back to one of our first apartments. It was barely bigger then a closet, if fact, my parents had a bigger closet in the house I grew up in. I would hide in that closet when playing hide and seek with my sister-- you could get lost in it, like the wardrobe of narnia, but I regress...

She walked with her mom and talked. I walked with her dad (as he glared at me) and smoked. I learned later it was very rude to smoke in front of your elders. At 35, I usually was the elder. It was so rude that both her older brothers, both of whom were actually older than me, had never been seen smoking by their father although he was well aware they smoked.

After a few meetings, they warmed up to me. I was helpful in the kitchen, I even cooked (they were shocked! Most men can barely cook instant noodles in this country). I can drink like a fish, and her old man finally had a son to hang out with, drink and smoke, without the usual social hangups so prevalent in Korean society (I wasn't korean, after all).

Time went on. We learned more about each other. I'm pretty handy with tools, so I would often help the old man with his various projects. They had a garden restaurant, so when we would visit, I would help with their small zoo, having grown up with a small zoo myself, including geese, horses, dogs, cats and mice. Building new enclosures, feeding chickens, etc.  I helped mom serve customers (a waegook serving us food!?!) They loved me, I was very fond of them. What went wrong?

I wonder what they think if me now?

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Prologue Part IV

Nov 16, 2011
Today, I went to sleep at about 1 pm. I woke up at 6 pm. All the stuff I set aside to be donated or thrown out was gone when I awoke thanks to my housekeeper. I woke to a clean house, minus all the garbage and crap I had ripped through the night/day before. It was good.

Later I met up with an army buddy of mine who gave me a new pair of boots for my journey. Good quality, US-issue boots. He's got a bunch of other stuff I may find useful on my walkabout, like ponchos and blankets. I don't think I will be in a situation where I'll have to depend on survival skills to stay alive, but being in the Boy Scouts has hardwired me to "be prepared" and being prepared to survive under any conditions is a good thing to be. I'm going to go back on the weekend and see what else he's got.

Prologue Part III

Nov16, 2011
One of the things that bothers me the most, in April, she just decided to leave.

That left me me with the responsibility (in a foreign country) of the lease, the rent, all the bills (including hers), the dogs and 7 years of memories that I had to sell, barter or give away in order to leave with enough money to survive for a few months in another foreign country.

Even going back to Canada is pretty foreign at this point.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Prologue Part II

Nov15, 2011
The first time I ever hitch-hiked any great distance, my mom took me to Canadian Tire to get some camping gear. One of the things she bought me was a First Aid kit in a multi-fold nylon wallet. I still have it 20+ years later. It's much more beefy now. I've supplemented it over the years with new stuff to make it more complete.

My dad drove me the first 500 km to northern Ontario to start me off. He taught me how to roll a cigarette(joint) while driving at the same time.

I am thankful for both.

Prologue Part I

I started writing this on November 15th, 2011. The first time anybody will see this will be months after.

I don't know where to begin. Do I start with my birth? Do I follow my genealogy that led to my birth? Do I start in kindergarten, elementary, or middle school or high school or college? Do I start in my 20's or my 30's or is 40 the new 50? I get so mixed up. Do I start from when I left home/my parents, or from when I left my country? If I had a choice, I would leave Earth. Not LIFE, don't get me wrong, I'm as scared of DEATH as the rest of ya. I just meant the planet. Wouldn't going to Mars be cool? Sure, it would be hard and dangerous and dirty, but DAMN, it would be cool.

So, where to begin. Now seems like a good start. She left in April or May (It's now Nov, 15, 2011). I"m not quite sure anymore, it's all been a blur. I have not been in a good frame of mind or been thinking straight. Again, the mixed-up mind thing. In the meantime (7 months), I got a roommate, sat on my ass, watched tv. .. when I went out, I got drunk. stinking drunk. blank drunk (oh, wait-- I had a job for Samsung for a month).
*To all those that encountered/are encountering me(I'm writing this in the Future!), I'm sorry. And-- I THANK you for putting up with all my shit. You boosted my ego when it need to be boosted from it's lowest point. It gave me the courage to do what I'm doing now.

So, what am I doing now? Today, or was it yesterday (again, mixed up)? I got some boxes. The junk in my room is now a little organized. I have things separated into piles of garbage, valuable garbage, stuff to sell, ship home (huh? where is that exactly?), and take with me.

I'm not used to a roommate. I'm not going to talk bad about him, he's lived alone-- I've lived with a woman. Our ideas of cleanliness are different, and we'll leave it at that. Chris is a good guy. He try's hard.

Why am I packing anyway? Where am I going?

As I see it, my F2 visa ends on January 15th. I have to get a new visa. I have 2 ways of doing that. Get Min to vouch for me(not going to happen) and renew my visa before I sign the divorce papers ( I run the risk of committing fraud for being divorced and on an F2 visa, or I leave the country and re-enter as a tourist (which cost at least $1000 for airfare and accommodation/food. Or I leave on a $100 and take my chances, on a slow boat to china. OH! Exciting!

I see no reason to be here anymore. The only reason I was here was for her. I was hoping we would go together. We both got tired of waiting for each other years ago.

I hate teaching English. It's a soul-sucking job. It's also very lucrative. But beware of the sucking power. Be aware of how you got to teaching English in the first place. Follow your dreams, if you need something to fall back on, teach English, but get out quick.