Wednesday, 27 February 2013

(Day 221) Seoul Nambu Correctional Facility-day 126 D-30

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner = February 5

My days are pretty boring. There's not really much to do to write about. Sometimes, I struggle just to make shit up and pull some drama out of my ass. The only thing I really think about at this point is “four weeks left” and how every additional day makes that number less and less. After 7 months, 1 month doesn't seem that far away. But of course, thinking about it all the time makes it seem much, much, longer.

I haven't actually left my room at all in two weeks except to take a shower last Wednesday. The last time I was actually outside my cell was February 12. Mr Kim fond of talking shit about everybody else, started talking shit about me to some of the other inmates. I haven't talked to him since. I'm not being petty; I just can't be bothered to make the effort. It’s too bad. I liked Mr. Kim. I thought maybe he was different but he is not. A fair weather friend, like most of the Koreans I've met.

I never felt this way about Korea or Koreans before I lived here. I never gave them a second thought. They hardly existed in my little world. All my opinions good or bad, but unfortunately mostly bad, I've developed over time after living here for so long. I didn't have any prejudice before I came to Korea and I would say I don't have any now. I'm not pre-judging anybody. I'm basing it on years of experience and interaction—postjudice, if you will. I feel bad thinking the way I do about Korea and Koreans, but sometimes I can't help it. I've been screwed over too many times and have lots of bitterness towards this country and its people. Maybe I'll feel differently once I get away and put some distance between my present and my future.