Monday, 29 July 2013

and the drama continues

But I'm not going to go into it too much. Suffice to say I changed a few settings on my Facebook account to avoid the name calling. My sister is a very intelligent person, but get her angry and all she say to me is I'm a dumb asshole and warn my "friends" that if I say and think these things about my own family, then the things I think and say about my friends must be a million times worse. I didn't think what I said was all that bad-- it's true, she does talk a lot. Some peace and quiet would be welcome, yet she hasn't stopped and has now reverted to different methods of communication to keep on talking. My stupid smart phone doesn't take rejection well-- calls and texts still seem to get through.

I also know my friends well enough to know that they are well aware of my tendency to shoot my mouth off. A lot of the time, what comes out of my mouth is pure unadulterated bullshit. I say what I feel, how I feel, when I feel it, and if you don't like it, no one is forcing you to listen. You don't have to read this blog, be my friend or even hang out with me if you don't want to. I've been rejected all my life, one more person isn't going to affect me all that much. My natural tone of voice and aggression turns a lot of people off. It seems like I'm argumentative or angry, but I'm not really. I'm well aware of how people perceive me, and it's a constant effort by me to not come off sounding like an arrogant prick. That's so NOT what I trying to do or how I am, but that's how it's perceived. The constant struggle is tiring and sometimes I just can't be bothered.

Some people may claim that I am wrong for writing about my personal life because it betrays another person's privacy. However, I've never actually named my mother, sister, daughter or even my ex-wife. The only way anybody would know exactly who it is I am talking about is if they knew me personally and had met the person in question. Both my sister and mother have different surnames from me and each other, so running an Internet search would turn up nothing. My ex-wife (and now my sister) aren't on my facebook page and my mom isn't on Facebook at all. I've never used any of my friends' names in any of my posts except for a few Koreans I met in detention who I know will never read this and nobody knows anyway. If one of the people I wrote about were to leave a comment in anger about something I may have said about them, they would be the one outing themselves. The only privacy I'm exposing here is my own.

The only difference between me and you is I'm writing about it. It's therapeutic to me, and I like to think that sharing my thoughts with other people is therapeutic to them as well. So many people struggle through difficult situations thinking they are the only person experiencing it. They're not. We all have good and bad days. When we all share the same kind of collective thoughts and experiences because we are all humans growing up on the same planet in mostly the same social structure, some of my good and bad days are going to seem eerily familiar to your good and bad days. If someone relates to something that I've wrote and it saves them from jumping off a bridge, then having a pissed off unnamed sister or mother or friend can be worth the trouble.

Finally, I'm willing to bet this kind of family drama happens to most people in the world. How we all treat and act towards our families is a lot different than how we act towards our friends. We can't choose our families, and maybe my sister isn't feeling too hot about me right now, but I love her nonetheless. If anything, it gives me something more to write about than what I ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner and how many sit-ups I did today. So really, bring on the drama and I'll write a book about it, maybe draw some pretty illustrations to go with it, too.

She should know by now these kind of insults don't bother me-- I get called an asshole all the time-- and more than a few times by her most of all.

So much for "not going to go into it too much..." See? I don't even listen to myself. Dumb asshole.